Carla Bruni’s Indian Link
The Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS) held a press conference [coinciding with the Elysee Palace’s announcement of President Sarkozy’s marriage to Ms.Carla Bruni] to announce that a link has been found between Ms.Bruni’s ancestors and the ancestors of Rama, a co-accused in the Babri Masjid demolition case.
The link is supposed to have come to light as a result of extensive archaeological and anthropological studies by a RSS-led consortium of academics with research assistance outsourced to the diligent Hindu Students Council of America. “We were very concerned about Ms.Bruni’s single status during her India visit” said RSS spokesperson, Sudarshan, “So, after repeated digging around Ayodhya to obtain divine blessings, we consulted the Bhrigu Samhita to find out the astrological influences on Ms.Bruni. We found that her ancestors’ karma from the Vedic ages is affecting her. However, we knew that the malefic influences preventing Ms.Bruni from being happily married would be removed after her visit to the sacred land of Bharat”. The Bhrigu Samhita is the ancient reputed storehouse of astrological information on all of (wo)mankind.
The Indian Foreign Ministry which left matters of delicate protocol over the Sarkozy visit to the French government, did not comment on the issue beyond saying that it is also left to the French to cross-check Ms.Bruni’s Vedic ancestry.
In a rare show of collaboration across party lines though, President Pratibha Patil instantly confirmed the RSS’ findings and said that she had received a message from Baba Golapkar (1900-1970) about Ms.Bruni’s Indian ancestry as well. The RSS press conference was also attended by Ramanand Sagar, the director of the long-running television serial, Ramayana who is reputed to be in talks with Ms.Bruni for a role in the sequel, Ramayana Redux at the Riviera (RRR).
French fashion house Christian Dior’s stock received a boost because of the rumor with analysts expecting that Fall orders will peak what with entire armies needing to be clothed for television. A spokesperson for the Association of Bihari weavers on being questioned about the rumor, said “We are ready to take Christian Dior’s orders for fashionable old Indian clothes”.
Meanwhile, Curt Allen, the CEO of Ancestry.com – a website offering DNA testing for tracing genealogical roots – has said that his company is interested in collaborating with the RSS and packaging the Bhrigu Samhita (BS) findings with their genealogical reports. “BS has the potential to greatly enhance and even eventually replace our DNA-testing reports”, Allen said. As a show of good faith in the high forecasted value of such a historic partnership, Allen has also offered free DNA tracing reports to Rama and Ms.Bruni. On being told that Rama faces charges of contempt of court for not responding to summons in the last fifteen years, Allen said “We can also test his living relatives. Ask them to call us at 1-800-ANCESTRY”.
The French government has refused to comment on the announcement but a senior official in the Elysee Palace speaking on the condition of anonymity said that Ms.Bruni will be making a strong claim to the Kohinoor as part of her dowry settlement during President Sarkozy’s visit to England later this year.