Tundla Junction

Nike has just announced a $35 million sponsorship deal with Muntadar al-Zeidi, the Iraqi journalist who threw a pair of shoes at President Bush.

With videos of President Bush being pelted with two shoes circulating on the Internet, the journalist became an instant celebrity and a hero for millions throughout the world. “I’m disappointed you missed your mark; but rock on brother” wrote a bleeding-heart liberal from Denver on his blog.

Nike was quick to capitalize on this fame. “He is all we could hope for in a brand ambassador. He embodies the “Just Do It” spirit, the very idea of being alive. He is dynamic, unorthodox and not afraid to speak his mind. Even the trajectory of the shoe was an inverted swoosh. We are very glad we’ve signed him on,” Nike CEO Mike Parker said in a press release.

Al-Zeidi, who was earlier fired from Tundla Junction for insubordination, reportedly shouted “This is the farewell kiss, you dog” when he flung his shoes at Mr. Bush. While he has received almost unanimous praise, he was nevertheless criticized by the American Dog Owners Association. Maureen Hill-Hauch, spokesperson for the ADOA said, “It is an insult to all canines and their owners to call President Bush a dog. If you want to call him names, we can suggest several excellent alternatives that are not degrading to dogs.”

President Bush himself is reported to be very pleased with himself for having ducked the surprisingly fast projectiles. White house officials have said the president had been preparing for just such an occasion since the war in Iraq began. “We hired the Wachowski brothers to design virtual reality simulation programs to train the president to dodge eggs, rotten tomatoes and shoes, among other types of crude missiles,” said a highly placed official. “By the time Katrina hit, he was so confident he didn’t think twice before deciding to visit New Orleans, a city that suffered from criminal presidential negligence,” he added.

Effects of the incident reverberated elsewhere in the world. In India, where discontent with politicians is always simmering in the public consciousness, a whole new industry has come into existence. Several hundred coaching classes sprang up overnight to teach people of all ages how to aim their shoes better. With election season round the corner, the market is expected to be full of opportunity to hurl shoes at politicians in the world’s largest democracy.

Indian politicians are hoping Mr. Bush will teach them a trick or two on the art of the dodge.