Tundla Junction

The Clinton Foundation has just released information that Amar Singh contributed $4,999,999.99 to it which was put directly to good use to repatriate some of Hillary Clinton’s campaign debts to Papa John’s, Domino’s and Mark Penn (not necessarily in that order). At the time of making the donation, Singh had insisted that he remain anonymous since he only wanted to help his dear friend Hillary who was hallucinating about being under deadly sniper fire – an effect of the harrowingly dire financial straits she was in.

A study by eminent macro economists at the National Bureau of Economic Research though has shown that Singh’s contribution is managing the remarkable feat of propping up the US and possibly the world economy all on its own. The usual ‘multiplier effect’ in economics – $1 in spending generates more than $1 increase in the national income – seems to have multiplied itself many times over with Singh’s generous donation.

The Amar Singh Sensation (ASS) as it is beginning to be known the world over is unprecedented in its speed and scope. Alerted to the phenomenon, close associates of Singh claim that it is only divine grace that has allowed Singh’s money to generate returns that are many times that of the original contribution.

While the US government may be probing into mundanities such as whether the contribution could have led to the US supporting India’s nuclear deal etc, everyone else – ranging from Hollywood producers to the Detroit automakers to television evangelists – is looking to get a piece of ASS. Some of these concerned citizens who fear that there may not be enough ASS to go around have hired Mark Penn to lobby the US government for funds that could be transferred to Singh and then transferred back to the US to increase the potential effect and kick-start the economy. However, quick fact-checking calls made to the Indian government and fielded by Lok Sabha speaker Somnath Chatterjee provided some assurance that there was not only plenty to spare but a lot more where it came from since India’s Reliance on it is well-known and much in demand.

Singh himself could not be reached for comment and Samajwadi party officials say that it is his reluctance to be in the limelight for such a humble gesture that is at play here. However, our sources have informed us that Amitabh Bachchan and family – physical multiple extensions of Singh and vice versa (or the original ASS) – were seen at the 3am aarti at Tirupati and then at the 5am aarti at Siddhivinayak in Bombay followed by the 9am puja at Varanasi (where Aishwarya Rai also got to spend some quality time with a particular peepal tree far away from the prying eyes of the press).