Tundla Junction

Satyam Computer Services (NYSE: SAY) announced today that the company would diversify into poultry by acquiring Ujar Chicken & Egg Ltd. for $450 million in an all-cash deal.

Making this announcement at a press conference in Cyberabad, Satyam founder and chairman Ramalinga Raju said, “There are significant synergies between Satyam’s core business and Ujar. They are both owned by my family members. We can save money by carpooling to the same office.”

Mr. Raju’s well-reasoned analysis has some merit. The promoters, employees and customers of Ujar Chicken & Egg are all Mr. Raju’s sons, notably Mr. Teja Raju and Mr. Rama Raju Jr. Coincidentally, the name Ujar is Raju spelled backwards, highlighting once more the ass-backwards business philosophy that has made Satyam so successful.

While a previous attempt by Satyam (to acquire Maytas) was, although commendable in its shamelessness, ultimately unsuccessful, analysts are praising the company for this renewed bid to diversify. “The IT industry is in the doldrums so this diversification is good for business. Thousands of engineers eat in Satyam cafeterias in India. Imagine the costs they will be able to cut,” said Goldmanbhai Kotak, an analyst who recently upgraded Satyam shares from Indistinguishable from garbage to Perhaps better than garbage after all. “And think about it – Mr. Raju, Mr. Raju and Mr. Raju – this is the dream team for executive management,” he added.

If the acquisition goes well, it is expected that Satyam will further diversify into the food catering business. “I think their long term goal is to supply wholesome meals to all IT and BPO workers in Hyderabad, Bangalore and Chennai within 5 years,” Mr. Kotak said.

Other analysts are not so enthusiastic. “Look what happened with Reliance after Dhirubhai’s demise. Satyam will also end up splitting into its original pieces after Raju Sr. dies. And both brothers will spend millions of shareholder dollars fighting over the ultimate prize – the food business,” says Hardik Sheth from JP Murugan Chaste.

Satyam employees weren’t too happy about the deal either. “I am intimately aware of the quality of Satyam products and deliverables. I wouldn’t use Satyam software and I certainly wouldn’t eat Satyam’s chicken,” said a worried-looking employee who wished to remain anonymous for obvious reasons. There were also some protests by vegan employees who said they didn’t want to work for a company that slaughtered defenceless animals. But in this slow economy, Satyam is reportedly not worried about attrition.

Asked whether Infosys had any plans to diversify, chairman N R Narayana Murthy said, “Are you f#$%ing kidding me? Of course we don’t. My kids are not yet old enough to own any businesses we can acquire.”

Disclosures: H. Helsinki does not have enough money to own shares in any of the companies mentioned in this article. Nor, for that matter, any companies not mentioned in this article. You can remedy this situation.