Tundla Junction

Union Minorities Affairs minister A.R. Antulay received a lifeline today when Ram Gopal Varma announced that he has signed him on as a scriptwriter for a three film deal for his Factory Productions.

“We lament the shortage of good scripts in Bollywood but we fail to recognize such spinmeisters among us,” said Ramu. “When I went to Taj along with Mr. Vilasrao Deshmukh, I was roundly castigated. But people failed to appreciate my background in forensic sciences which I displayed publicly in films like Road and RGV Ki Aag,” complained Ramu. “Now, with Mr. Antulay as scriptwriter and Antara Mali as the director, we are ready for our grand conspiracy theory film,” averred Ramu.

“Antulay saab won the second prize in all-Raigad district essay writing contest in 1948. He could have won the first prize but he was the only participant. He has continued honing his writing skills since then despite the tugs and pulls of public life,” an excited Antulay supporter said. A grassroot reality show has already been commissioned in Raigad district for supporting roles in these films. It is rumored that Mr. Vilasrao Deshmukh and Mr. R.R. Patil are already considered a shoo-in for cameo roles in these films. Mr. Deshmukh has already started watching recorded episodes of the 90s superhit series Prime Bodies to ready himself for the role.

The Congress Working Committee (CWC) is still unsure about the future course of action in this case. “Mr. Antulay was getting bored with Minority Affairs portfolio. How many affairs are Minorities having, after all? Salman seems to be settled, as is Saif. He personally investigated a few affairs involving Dino Morea and Zaheer Khan. He needs to spread his wings,” reasoned Mr. Dwinwendra Dwivedi, a senior CWC member.

Mr. Antulay, it is reported has enrolled into a short-term course at Whistling Woods, the film and television training institute started by Subhash Ghai. The sylvan environs of the institute have nurtured and helped build such classic scripts like Kisna and Yuuvraj. “We can’t confirm or deny the presence of Mr. Antulay in our institute. We have upgraded our biryani infrastructure but that has nothing to do with these events,” said Whistling Woods spokesperson Vivek Mushran. Meanwhile, it is reported that Ms. Arundhati Roy, activist and former Booker winner, has also thrown her hat into the ring with her script on the life story of Mr. Antulay. “It’s called ‘An Ordinary Person’s Guide to Antulay’ and is the sequel to my bestseller ‘The Shape of the Beast’. It has already drawn attention of Oliver Stone, a professional biopic maker,” said an excited Ms. Roy while tucking into her organic Leek Croustade and Parsnip and Split-Pea Bake. “However, it’s all futile to be talking about these issues while farmers are dying in Vidarbha,” she continued while helping herself with the third helping of Butternut squash and apple bake.