New options on table: Pranab Mukherjee
External affairs minister Pranab Mukherjee spelt out all of India’s options in an exclusive interview with Tundla Junction.
TJ: Sir, we keep hearing that all options are open. What exactly are all the options?
PM: As the world’s largest democracy, we have a lot of options. We can feed the media frenzy against Pakistan. We can twiddle our thumbs with respect to modernizing our security establishment. We can change our home minister and chief minister. We can even create new agencies that will be as ineffective as our other agencies. And now we have new legislation being passed so we have exciting new options.
TJ: That sounds wonderful. What are these new options that you speak of?
PM: We have broadened the definition of terrorism so we can arrest anyone by calling him a terrorist. So we have the option to arrest the opposition party’s goons who terrorize our scrupulous booth capturers. The new law allows us to detain people we arrest with no recourse for 6 months. So every time someone victimizes respectable, educated people, we have the option to throw them in jail. We have some other options also, but the most potent option we now have with this new Act is to require the accused to prove their innocence.
TJ: Sir, these seem to be the options that people in power will have. What are the options for the common man?
PM: Common man in India has limitless options – we are the land of opportunity. He can choose to get killed by a terrorist attack, by a collapsing flyover, by a train derailment or, if he is the God-fearing kind, in a stampede when on pilgrimage. Or if he’s not in the mood for dying just yet but is only seeking some character-building disappointment, we’ve still got great options for him. He could try getting a license for a new business, or just driving from one part of Bangalore to another.
TJ: What will be your focus in the next few months?
PM (gleefully): Hee hee hee. We will use the new anti-terrorism laws to cripple the opposition in the forthcoming Loksabha elections.
TJ: Sir, we meant your focus in your duties as minister of external affairs.
PM: Oh, that? We will continue to remind Pakistan and the world that all options are open. Then we will see what happens.
TJ: How do you think our friendly neighbourhood terrorist haven will react? What are their options in this situation?
PM: As a failed but nuclear-capable state, Pakistan’s options are limited. They can become fear mongers by flying fighter jets all over Lahore, Peshawar, Karachi and Islamabad. They can detain terrorists and then let them go. Or they can continue to hold them, thereby protecting them from Indian surgical strikes. (sneakily) You know, they even have the option to simply deny that Pakistanis are from Pakistan.
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