Tundla Junction

A new world government has come to power – the state of Israel has taken over the world at large and citizens of all countries are now part of the new universe or Israeli-verse.

After struggling for many decades to merely conquer the Palestinians and their supporters, the government of Israel in a massive burst of power has managed to win the hearts and minds of all people – at least those who value their lives – all around the world.

Journalists of all stripes are being interrogated over all articles written during the course of their careers. In particular, they are being questioned for the reasons around not having used any of the synonyms of greatness in every sentence in every article on Israel. So, the great Israel’s great military and great philosophy is greatly guiding all of humankind to great happiness.

A new standard for time is being developed for use in Israeli-verse. Timelines of events that happened in the Pre-Israeli-verse era are being converted to reflect the standards of chronological measurement in Israeli-verse. Conversion standards are still under development and so are under top-secret security but Tundla Junction managed to get information on some of them. For instance, the Pre-Israeli-verse standards of BC and AD will be abolished and the world will only know a Pre-Israeli-verse and a Post-Israeli-verse Israeli-verse. Also, events that took place in 2000 BC will be considered immediate and urgent and actions of all humankind will be judged with relation to it (while current events and all that took place in the last 60 years will be considered mostly irrelevant).

The US government will provide financial and other assistance (using the technology developed in the film ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’) to wipe out the memories of the past 60 years for those struggling with the new time system (and install the relevant 2000 BC memories).

In creating the timelines, the politburo of the Israeli-verse are having to contend with a minor irritant in the form of BJP party officials from India who insist that a similar time conversion system be applied to convert all events in the pre-Mughal era (approximately 500 years past) to immediate relevance.

It is not clear that Israeli-verse officials will deign to listen to the complaints of a small, albeit pesky, minority although BJP officials have mentioned that their past oft-stated allegiance to a future Israeli-verse should count for something. “We are even prepared to give up the use of the ancient Swastika from all our religious rituals. We won’t even care about the Kashmiri Pundits anymore. All we want is the golden Hindu era in clocks” said a senior BJP official on the condition of anonymity (he did not want to risk jeopardizing the sensitive negotiations underway). Officials from the erstwhile US government are likely to mediate between the two parties and bring about an amicable settlement.