New Research Reveals Mumbai Actually Drought-ridden Venice
The Original Mumbai Layout
As heavy rains lashed Mumbai and threw life out of gear, a report released today has created even more confusion among residents. Mumbai, the report says, was originally designed to serve as an Indian Venice with waterways and beautifully architected canals. As the weather grew warmer and rains reduced, the system was thrown off-kilter and the amphibious Mumbaikar was forced to adapt to a life on land. “New evidence has revealed that Bal Thackeray’s ancestors once possessed highly efficient gills and a healthy covering of scales,” the report said.
The report has come as a huge relief to the chief of the Municipal Corporation of Greater Mumbai, who no longer needs to provide excuses for his ineptitude in dealing with the annual water-logging season. Chief Jairaj Pathak is reported to have breathed a massive sigh of relief causing temperatures to come tumbling down in neighbouring Nashik. “We have been on the defensive for so long, at last we know who the actual culprits are; migrant people who know nothing about living underwater. Who told them to buy such big cars when they should have been buying boats?” he said.
In related news, Shiv Sena executive president Uddhav Thackeray took to the streets with an army of supporters on Monday, raising a variety of issues including the name chosen for the Bandra-Worli Sea Link. “The name Bandra evokes images of a bandar, which is clearly wrong as we have descended from amphibians, not from monkeys” he said, referring to the aforementioned report, before taking a dip in his waterlogged apartment to moisten what remains of his gills.
The Eventual Outcome
He suggested renaming it the Kanwar Pal Singh Pul instead, in honour of the recently converted Mumbaikar and president of the Institute for Conflict Management, KPS Gill.
BJP MLA Sardar Tara Singh also took advantage of the situation and registered his protest against nothing in particular, only to find that nobody was quite interested in his protest. Suhas Warke, DCP (Zone 3), denied having any knowledge of the march. “I have never heard of Tara Singh in my life. Dara Singh, yes, but Tara, no.” Shahaji Solunkhe, DCP (Traffic), said, “The traffic constables posted there have the responsibility of managing traffic and related problems. As you are aware, we have been very busy creating this massive traffic jam every day, how do you expect us to keep an eye on someone named after an old Zee TV soap?”
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Ah…so that is why the Thackerays remind me of cold-blooded, thick-skinned reptiles.