Tundla Junction

Prosecutor Ujwal Nikam(ma)  had a sweet surprise waiting for him on a rainy Monday morning  in Mumbai. Amir Ajmal Casab, the prime accused in the Mumbai bombings was ready to confess in court to all that the Indian goverment had alleged in its various press conferences and dossiers.

Casab, in the pudge picture, that reportedly disturbed him Picture: AP

“Yes. The photos were right. I know I am guilty of killing a few people”, he said as he began his confession. Varun Gandy, scion of the Gandy family and the peoples representative from Philibit was inspired by Casab’s confession and held a press conference soon after admitting that the photos didn’t lie in his case either. “I know I am guilty of wanting to cut off a few arms”, he said, paraphrasing Casab.

Casab also said that he had made the confession ‘voluntarily’ and that he was making it because he had been abandoned by Pakistan. It is reported that the Pakistani foreign minister, in a thundering response to Casab’s statement, said ‘Ask not if your country abandoned you, but if you abandoned your country’ followed by a sotto voce remark overheard by this correspondent “I wish I could abandon it too!”

Behind the loud celebrations in the corridors of justice, whispers are doing the rounds of accusations of torture and confessions under duress. Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch are apparently sending representatives to investigate these allegations.  Superintendent of Policy, Maria is confident though, that everything has been done by the book. “We had help from the FBI and CIA and they gave us all their guides on legal torture, however we felt we needed to play it safe.  The whole world was watching so there was no waterboarding or any such things.”  This however did not stop the police from adopting some extremely innovative tactics to break down the prisoner.

First, as preparation, he was made to read all the transcripts from the trial of the 1993 Mumbai blast accused. Wading through these voluminous volumes, Casab realised he was up against the very same Nikamma who, because he was unable to get to Dawood and Tiger Memon, fell with great vengeance and fury upon any other Memons that he could find. Knowing that he was in the same sacrificial lamb position (all the top LeT leaders were safe in Pakistani mansions) he was ready to confess.

However, the Indian law enforcement officers would leave nothing to chance in this case. Casab was made to sit through CCTV footage and confront exactly how pudgy he looked. “Nonono. Its the camera. Everyone KNOWS it makes one put on 10 kgs” he is reported to have cried in anguish. The watching police officials merely laughed.

As a final treatment, he was made to sit through the confessions of 134 witnesses during the day and watch reality shows all night. Havaldar Gande says it was watching Rakhi Sawant ka Swayamvar that finally did him in. “I heard him say, Just kill me. Just give me the verdict, but don’t make me watch this anymore  in the most piteous tones,” said Havaldar Gande in an exclusive interview with your correspondent.

The court of Justice Tahilani is thought to be averse to ending matters so soon though. Justice Tahilani had been promised at least 10 years of employment on this case and is reluctant to be terminated at a mere 10 months, so it is likely that the remaining 4 witnesses for the prosecution and the spirits of the dead will be summoned.