Jesus sues Rakhi Sawant
In an unprecedented case of a divine being suing a divine item girl, Jesus has decided to file a defamation suit against Rakhi Sawant at the Indian Supreme Court. This was announced today by his representative, Pope Benedict, at the Vatican. This isn’t the first case of an immortal suing a mortal, however. Approximately 15% of Hindu gods were found to have cross-holdings in various companies that got affected during the Harshad Mehta scandal, and have filed cases against him. The cases are yet to reach the Supreme Court.
"I am very cross," said He
In a rare telepathic interview, Jesus indicated to this reporter that the last straw was the recent announcement by her to produce a TV show on Him. “I had never imagined that I would try to stop someone spreading my word”, He said, and added, “but these are extreme circumstances”. In the last few millennia, there has been no dearth of ungodly word-spreaders who have taken unspeakable things to the extreme, so why now? “She wants to star as my wife! Oh my Dad, can you even imagine that?” He radiated. “How does she have the right to do that? Just because she and her mom can get TRPs rising on reality shows? So what? Me and my Dad run the greatest reality show, you know, ever!”
His representative agreed that since the matter was being fought in the Supreme Court in Delhi, it did matter who your Dad is. “I have already got a number of offers for the TV rights to the proceedings”, he added. “Her agent called me, and indicated that this had huge potential. In fact so lucrative and so time-consuming, that if we agree to continue with the case, we could split the money and they might even drop the idea of the TV show. I told him that if they did that, then we’d drop the case anyway. He was a bit confused after that.”
Mutterings from the other side of the divine divide indicated that they were less than happy with the goings-on. Said Lucifer, “Look, we were pretty certain that she’d turn up here in our camp at some point in time, and we were looking forward to it. Lately, we’re not that sure. She was exceeding expectations in all her endeavours, and then suddenly she started going to church one day, then helped an old lady the next, and was nice to a couple of kids and extras the third. Now, with this TV show, we just aren’t sure any more. If she makes a serial on the Lord, she wont come here anyway. But if we start wishing she didn’t, we’d have to side with Jesus. I haven’t been this confused about my opinion on anything since, you know, Avatar ”. On what he thought was mute, he was heard telling his friend, “Maybe we should have sued her, you know. At least I would have got to meet her.”
Asked if he had any doubts about the step he was taking, Jesus said he was pretty clear about it. “Im pretty charged up about this”, He lightninged and shortly after, thundered,” and want people to know that you can’t just get away with anything in my name”. ”
“I do have one niggling doubt though. I hoped she wasn’t referring to my distant cousin Jeejus. That’ll be a bummer. I’ve already spent millions of dollars on lawyers. You know you difficult they are to get in heaven?”